I was with a group of friends recently and we were all naming things we hated; cars honking constantly, Comcast etc. It was fun, giggly and bonding as we shared common experiences dealing with the world out there.
However, as I share negative feelings I am not creating an intimate relationship with another. Negativity can even create inner distance. I am acting as if my intimate relationship is not strong enough to hold my pain, anger or even my hate.
I find this often true with couples. It is so frightening to drop into powerful feelings that I can deny who I am and what I am really feeling with negativity and judgment of outside world. I find when this is happening with me I have to withdraw from the relationship to be myself.
I love my few intimate relationships, including my friends from today, when they are able to hold powerful, paradoxical feelings of love and hate, anger and forgiveness.
When this happens, something deep within me can relax and let go.