Love Letter, by Susan Austin-Crumpton

Love Letter, by Susan Austin-Crumpton

This is a love letter.

A love letter to my husband, to my family, to The Estuary Staff and to our clients.
 
Every moment I spend thinking of you, talking with you, helping you, laughing with you is a lovely relational act where you become present to me and I am present with you. I gaze at the space between us as I look into the eternal You. Every breath of US is an eternal breath of You and Me.

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Thanksgiving, by Susan Austin-Crumpton

Thanksgiving, by Susan Austin-Crumpton

I watched my husband play the Incredible Hulk in a psycho-drama workshop we did together many years ago.  He startled me with his “acting” talent and ability, transforming from the kindhearted, tender man I knew him to be, when he appeared on set painted green and angry.  Freedom and power exuded from every cell of his being.  I felt joyful. 

I wanted to feel THAT! 

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Spiritual Significance, by Susan Austin-Crumpton

Spiritual Significance, by Susan Austin-Crumpton

My husband and I were talking about the meaning and the journey of moving from external success to the internal, personal experience of significance. This is a very personal, internalized journey, individualized for each person and often requires a guide.

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Forgiveness, by Susan Austin-Crumpton

Forgiveness, by Susan Austin-Crumpton

“Forgiveness is nothing less than the way we heal the world".

   -- Desmond Tutu, The Book of Forgiveness 

I was a terrible oldest sister.
 
In our dysfunctional family filled with addiction and anger, yet held together in intense love and loyalty, I raged and cried and felt isolated.

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Friends in High Places (a.k.a. Angels), by guest blogger Jacqueline DeSelms-Wolfe

Man’s a foolish creature, always at war.
Surrounded by his angels, that he chooses to ignore.
~ Nathan Bell –  “Dust”


The lyrics above are of a song I recently discovered thanks to Apple Music’s “you may also like.” That feature is an angel itself. I’d probably still be listening to MC Hammer or Color Me Badd if it weren’t for modern day technology. Or Paula Abdul. 

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Truth Tellers, by Susan Austin-Crumpton

Truth Tellers, by Susan Austin-Crumpton

I have been watching a special “comedy” routine by Hannah Gadsby. She is a wonderfully strong person who is intelligent, funny, well educated, and successful. She taught me lots about feeling connected in a way we all long for, beyond gender and power.
 

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It Was Me All Along, by Susan Austin-Crumpton

It Was Me All Along, by Susan Austin-Crumpton

I was backpacking alone in Utah, carrying a huge pack on my skinny hips that looked like raw meat.  I felt invincible, capable, with every step validating that there is nothing I can’t do. I loved it! That was many years ago.

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Still Crazy After All This Time, by Susan Austin-Crumpton

Still Crazy After All This Time, by Susan Austin-Crumpton

I have many times over my lifetime worried about being “crazy.”

That was a word we heard often as I was growing up.  My mother called her older sister “crazy,” her sister in law “sick.” My ex-mother-in-law held her head and cried and cried daily over the death of her sister that occurred years and years earlier.

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A Full Experience of Myself, by Susan Austin-Crumpton

A Full Experience of Myself, by Susan Austin-Crumpton

I, too, have many faults.  I have spent a lifetime trying to rid myself of me.  Many religious teachers told me I could change me and find God.  Many spiritual teachers taught me that I could “transform” me into these powerful virtues.  I used to have the fantasy that I could finally change myself, become more likeable, more kind, more good, more successful, more organized, more loved . . .MORE!

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