I am easily overwhelmed.
The long “To Do” lists of my life easily throw me into an anxious, overwhelmed helplessness. It always seems that I am filled with anxiety, running powerlessly behind a bus that has just pulled away. And I can’t catch it, or make the bus -- or me -- stop.
After a big surgery a couple of years ago the advice given to me was to cut down on stress. "What a good idea!", I thought. But for me, living a full life is stressful. To slow life down leaves me restless, unfulfilled and...stressed! Double bind.
Am I running from depression? No, don’t think so. I feel so alive and engaged. I am not running as much as I am enjoying. Am I addicted to always doing something? Some may think so, but I experience life as a plateful of deliciousness. I love living it.
So instead of trying to anxiously catch the bus/life, or powerlessly let the bus/life pass me by, I am learning not to be victimized by stressful living.
I do what I can. I don’t do what I can’t do. I forget a lot of things I am suppose to be doing. That’s me in life.
Instead of being victimized and helpless in my in my experience of stress and powerlessness I am teaching myself to be renewed by the wisdom inherent in every stressful moment.
I watch the busses go by. I live my life.