For those who didn’t catch the earlier blog, I gave up Facebook for Lent. I actually gave it up before Lent, on Feb 4th. So it has only been a couple of weeks but I am already noticing all the things I am missing. Friends are getting engaged, having babies, going on awesome vacations, etc.
During these two weeks, I have had more lunches and dinners with friends. I have made a point to call and check on others. Also, I have spent more time reflecting on false intimacy versus real intimacy. All this is what I wanted but I have also experienced a level of loneliness because folks are asking me, “Hey did you see on Facebook where….?” I have to answer, “No.” I am left out of the loop.
This morning I was alerted that a fellow classmate had posted something interesting in one of our private pages. I con
fess that I was just “dying” to know what they said. I cheated. I convinced myself that if I looked at this one certain item it wouldn’t be bad because it was about spirituality and growth. I wouldn’t be looking at Facebook to have false intimacy, to numb out, or to kill time. I had a good reason and surely that was okay.
But alas, the guilt was huge. I have made this commitment public therefore not only will my successes be public but so will my failures. You may have never known of my cheating but I know. Plus it is a commitment and commitments mean something!
This commitment is mainly to myself. It is about creating real intimacy. It is about having authentic relationships not electronic. So I will reach out today to a friend and have personal contact. I will face the loneliness and sit in it for as long as necessary for it to move on. Then I will allow myself to experience whatever comes next.
Thanks to everyone who has approached me with your similar stories. We journey together.
Jenny Emerson, LMFT, LMT