I hate that I feel irritated and notice that the pictures hang crooked in my office and in my home. I wait in line at the grocery feeling none of the “goodness” of buying organic foods that others seem to be secretly smiling about. I listen to a righteous diatribe about why “my smoking is not hurting anyone but myself” and I think of that person’s children, and parents, and spouse and friends.
I am judging, critical and negative.
When I am feeling this negativity, I am in relationship TO myself and other people instead of in relationship WITH myself and other people. This is a sign that I am feeling separate, judgmental and alone; far away from relationship with myself and the Universe. My intent is to be in relationship WITH, but instead I get stuck in preconceived ideas about what is “right” and “how things ought to be”. I get stuck in how others or how I should believe in any given situation.
Relationship WITH occurs when I explore my own inner landscape of feelings and emotions. Relationship WITH occurs when I join others as they enter into “not knowing” how they feel or who they are.
Cultivating a healthy relationship WITH what is going on in my head and my inner space is crucial to quieting the negativity that resounds when I am only in relationship TO. I have been instructed by my society to be cruel in my relationship TO myself and to the messages inside my head. I judge myself and then I judge my judgments! I tell myself I’ve got a problem or that I AM the problem.
I want to give myself space and silence to find a resting place inside. I want to know that I can never figure everything out in life with my intellect. What works for me is feeling my way through my life not thinking my way through my life!
Today I am giving up the thought that if someone or something would change then I could change it. Today I take responsibility for my own inner growth and change. I am entering into relationship with my inner space and I rest and accept responsibility for my own awareness.