Prayer, by Susan Austin-Crumpton

"Dear God,
Some days I hate myself.
Then, I hate myself for hating myself!"

After twelve years of Catholic School in my youth it took a lovely Jewish Kabbalistic Master, Jason Shulman, to teach me how to pray.

I spent my youth and young adult life trying to perfect myself so that I might be worthy of love, anyone’s love.  I wanted your love or God’s love or everyone’s love…. Just love!  I believed my unwanted emotions and attitudes made me unworthy of love.  So I covered them in darkness, tried not to think about them and hoped they couldn’t be seen.

I was fooling no one but myself.

Carl Jung tells us everyone’s psyche performs a very functional task.  It is called projection.  This divinely hidden truth shows me what parts of myself I am hiding from you and myself by seeing it in other people.  When I see parts of others I react to and do not like, I am more than likely projecting the worst of myself onto that other person.  It’s not that they don’t have those qualities but I have them also!  By giving my dark side an outlet does not mean that I am giving in to it by taking action.  It simply is a way of liberating trapped energy and turning it into the fire of purifying love.

Here at The Estuary and The School of Healing Arts we have amazing students learning to pray in a way that creates freedom and joy.  We hold up to each other, to ourselves and to our God the truth of who we are in the moment.  We feel ourselves breaking out into the brilliant light of God and the truth. 

“Prayer is meant to be a direct line of communication with the depth of our heart and the height of our soul.  For us to pray, all that is needed is that we speak.”

                                                                 Jason Shulman
                                                                 Kabbalistic Healing, p 119


Susan Austin-Crumpton
Founder & Executive Director, The Estuary