Expansion Wait for Me!, by Yoli Redero, Auric Self-Healing Program Graduate

After three years at the School of Healing Arts, the concept of expansion/contraction finally hit me.  It hit me today as I drove to work on my fourth day of super funk.  It has been non-stop activity since mid-May with trips to Europe, Punta Cana, grandkids’ visit and finally with my husband’s surgery.  I know, 'How can I lump surgery with fun trips?', you might ask.  It is still a ‘high’ of sorts.  I am on hyper vigilance and on top of my game.  As Suzy says, “You are getting a payback”.

Then it hit around Saturday morning after dropping off my son at the airport (he had been with us the whole week helping with post-surgical care) and I found myself alone in a big house with my husband and nothing to do.  Nothing to worry about.  Nothing to plan. That creeping feeling of loneliness and ‘woe is me’ and ‘what happened?’ slinks into my mind.  I feel tired and listless.  I can’t quite name the desolation or hopelessness that swirl around inside.

Sunday and Monday brings more of the same.  I find small things to keep me slightly busy and not too engaged. I can’t shake my malaise until driving to work this morning.  The word “contraction” pops into my head making me almost spill my coffee.  Contraction!?? Oh no!  Where did that come from?  I fight the urge to embrace and feel good over having an answer because it means I need to accept it.  Accepting contraction feels powerless to me.  There is nothing I can do about it.  Again as Suzy & Susan (my gurus) say, you just have to sit in it and wait.  Wait, the word that haunts my being even though it is tattooed on my arm.  Wait is so..so..simple, nothing.  There is nothing to do to solve the problem.  There is nothing plan or say or read.  It is just wait.

The most disturbing part of contraction is that it will soon pass on its own leading me, hopefully, to expansion again.  But it will loom as a shadow soon to return. I used to call it ‘waiting for the other shoe to drop.’  Now, I know it is contraction.  It is cyclical.  All of life appears to be cyclical.  I want finality. I want to know if I do ‘x’, then ‘y’ will follow.  Contraction says it will appear whether I do ‘x’, ‘y’ or any combination of the alphabet.  It has no rules except that after expansion comes contraction.  Then expansion and then contraction.  I cringe at the thought that I must embrace this and love it.  My Sally (middle chair for those of you in the know) screams and rails against this. 

But I am sitting quietly realizing there is no other option.  I must wait.

Yoli Redero
Graduate of our 3-year Auric Self-Healing Program, The School of Healing Arts