A Full Experience of Myself, by Susan Austin-Crumpton

“...I give you your faults.... I think you'll find they'll come in very handy...."
       --  Madeleine L’Engle,  A Wrinkle in Time

I, too, have many faults.  I have spent a lifetime trying to rid myself of me.  Many religious teachers told me I could change me and find God.  Many spiritual teachers taught me that I could “transform” me into these powerful virtues.  I used to have the fantasy that I could finally change myself, become more likeable, more kind, more good, more successful, more organized, more loved . . .MORE!
 
Still, I am always failing, and always finding myself as less.  I just cannot get to perfection from imperfection.  My list of faults simply widens and deepens as I fail at goodness.
 
I love the line the prophet Jesus often responded with when asked who are you?  Instead of listing his attributes he would simply reply “Who do you think I am?”  I prefer to believe that he was asking anyone who came near him to simply experience him as a whole instead of define him by his list of virtues.
 
I like that.

So, I have come to treasure my list of faults.  I have used them all to save my world.  Without my irritability I could not discern what I want.  Without my anger I could not find the edges and boundaries of myself.  Without my codependency and caretaking I would not know that I am a nurturer and a lover.  Without my restlessness and longing I would not forever be a learner and a seeker.  I do love being a learner and a seeker!
 
I am encouraging you to become a treasurer of your faults.  You can use them; not for power and control over others or self;  instead, use them as a full experience of yourself reframing that energy into longing and believing. Therefore saving the world!

Susan Austin-Crumpton
   Executive Director & Founder
   The Estuary, Inc.