Change

Sharing My Vision, by Lynn Bartrum

Sharing My Vision, by Lynn Bartrum

I’ve been holding onto a secret these past nine years, and feel it is time to come clean.  

In the fall of 2009, my husband Thomas and I were staying overnight in Louisville, as we were moving our daughter back to Nashville the next day.  She had recently graduated from college and was moving back home. As we settled down to sleep that night, I had been reading A Course in Miracles, and was lying awake, staring out into the dark room, thinking.  Suddenly I experienced a vision - I was so confused!  

It Was Me All Along, by Susan Austin-Crumpton

It Was Me All Along, by Susan Austin-Crumpton

I was backpacking alone in Utah, carrying a huge pack on my skinny hips that looked like raw meat.  I felt invincible, capable, with every step validating that there is nothing I can’t do. I loved it! That was many years ago.

A Full Experience of Myself, by Susan Austin-Crumpton

A Full Experience of Myself, by Susan Austin-Crumpton

I, too, have many faults.  I have spent a lifetime trying to rid myself of me.  Many religious teachers told me I could change me and find God.  Many spiritual teachers taught me that I could “transform” me into these powerful virtues.  I used to have the fantasy that I could finally change myself, become more likeable, more kind, more good, more successful, more organized, more loved . . .MORE!

Speaking Truth to Power, by Susan Austin-Crumpton

Speaking Truth to Power, by Susan Austin-Crumpton
"Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly."
                            ― Ann Rice

Many years ago in another lifetime, I was leaving a marriage, in which I did not work outside the home. I left weeks of prepared meals in the freezer and directions for each taped on the refrigerator door. I had spent our entire marriage trying to earn my keep and my value (since I did not bring in financial income).

Go Unafraid, by Susan Austin-Crumpton

Go Unafraid, by Susan Austin-Crumpton

“You have been chosen.  Go unafraid”
      - Paraphrased from John 15:16

I am experiencing the disruption of the solar eclipse!  Like the moon pulling at the rising and falling tides of the oceans so the solar eclipse pulls and tugs at me with emotional upheaval and challenge.
 

Living Into the Answers, by Susan Austin-Crumpton

Living Into the Answers, by Susan Austin-Crumpton

I hated traveling as a child. 

It always felt like something terrible was going to happen to me or to whoever I left behind.  The anxiety was often unbearable.  I would throw up with motion sickness in the car, feel depressed when we arrived wherever we were going, and cry at every changing moment.  All I wanted was to go home. 

Awareness, by Susan Austin-Crumpton

Awareness, by Susan Austin-Crumpton

Before my mother died she said to me; “I wish you could stop trying to fix yourself!  Why can’t you just be more like me?!”

I have a dining room cupboard filled with dishes and china from relatives who have long since died.  I never fully thought about whose they were because my younger sister remembered it all.
She died six years ago.
 

Planning and Re-Planning, by Susan Beyler

Planning and Re-Planning, by Susan Beyler

It took a while for my adult self to finally accept that there was only so much time available to accomplish things that needed being done.

Deciding what first priority was came easy – these were the things that clearly must to be done without delay.

Participation, by Suzy Newman

Participation, by Suzy Newman
What I have seen is the totality recapitulated as One,
Received not in essence but by participation.
It is just as if you lit a flame from a live flame:
It is the entire flame you receive.
    --St. Symeon the New Theologian
(949-1022)

I absolutely adored this when I read it this morning.  I love the imagery of the flame because it makes total sense to me.  The “essence” St Symeon is referring to, I believe, is God (the flame)…and to believe I am the essence of God is a very comforting thought.