Chaos

Forgiveness, by Susan Austin-Crumpton

Forgiveness, by Susan Austin-Crumpton

“Forgiveness is nothing less than the way we heal the world".

   -- Desmond Tutu, The Book of Forgiveness 

I was a terrible oldest sister.
 
In our dysfunctional family filled with addiction and anger, yet held together in intense love and loyalty, I raged and cried and felt isolated.

Living Into the Answers, by Susan Austin-Crumpton

Living Into the Answers, by Susan Austin-Crumpton

I hated traveling as a child. 

It always felt like something terrible was going to happen to me or to whoever I left behind.  The anxiety was often unbearable.  I would throw up with motion sickness in the car, feel depressed when we arrived wherever we were going, and cry at every changing moment.  All I wanted was to go home. 

Awareness, by Susan Austin-Crumpton

Awareness, by Susan Austin-Crumpton

Before my mother died she said to me; “I wish you could stop trying to fix yourself!  Why can’t you just be more like me?!”

I have a dining room cupboard filled with dishes and china from relatives who have long since died.  I never fully thought about whose they were because my younger sister remembered it all.
She died six years ago.
 

Making Lemonade of Life’s Lemons, by Larkin Oates, MA

Making Lemonade of Life’s Lemons, by Larkin Oates, MA

As I travel through plush lemony woods, I trip on life’s lemons just like anyone else. Sometimes it is comically obvious I cannot see the citrus for the forest.

Recently, I have been so overwhelmed, it seems as if part of my brain is offline. I bump into furniture which I normally navigate unharmed, and I feel like I am functioning outside of the normal timeline. I strain to consider my choices in these lemony situations, and yearn to make the proverbial lemonade. However, my juice has no sweetener. I am worn to a nub, as is my partner. Although we are ‘cup half full’ people, our cup has a leak, and I feel our lives rapidly draining out of it.