It is not enough for me to believe in love. I want to love fully. I don’t know how to do this, but I am learning. I am learning in small, seemingly insignificant ways.
As I travel through plush lemony woods, I trip on life’s lemons just like anyone else. Sometimes it is comically obvious I cannot see the citrus for the forest.
Recently, I have been so overwhelmed, it seems as if part of my brain is offline. I bump into furniture which I normally navigate unharmed, and I feel like I am functioning outside of the normal timeline. I strain to consider my choices in these lemony situations, and yearn to make the proverbial lemonade. However, my juice has no sweetener. I am worn to a nub, as is my partner. Although we are ‘cup half full’ people, our cup has a leak, and I feel our lives rapidly draining out of it.
Another School of Healing Arts graduation is upon us. At each graduation, students recite their own personal vow that they developed from what they have learned at our school. The following is staff member Jenny Emerson's vow from her graduation from our Kabbalah program in 2011.
"What I have learned in Kabbalah is that I am like a cake. You see, I start out in Asiyah with all my parts laid out on a counter like the ingredients of a cake. There is separateness here. The eggs, the flour, the water, etc. they don’t touch. Just like my sense of humor doesn’t want to be near my angry side. Here I struggle to manage and control myself. Make all my parts behave, only showing certain ones to certain people.
It takes more than one time to really get it. But when you really get it, you realize this isn’t just about alcohol, drugs, food or sex. It’s about being addicted to our own selves: our attitudes, our grudges, our resentments, and our pain...