Trauma

Freedom, by Susan Austin-Crumpton

Don’t cry, Susan
My mother said as many of yesterdays’ horrific events
fade back into the recesses of my being …
my tears dried.

Don’t feel, Susan
the world told me as a diverse and risking life continued to teach me
well into the depths of my adult life. . .
Numb became normal.

Stop! my body tries to tell me
as I cry and risk and go on
well into the best part of my life and my work.
I go on working. . .

Don’t be a woman of possibility,
a woman who says the f___ word,
obey the message
“ be nice”
the world says of my ability to say no
because I am a female.

Smile, don’t cry, be nice, talk nice
holds me in a self-made prison of my messaging ...
when
I want to roar, shout, cry, be hated and
most of all not be nice!

I hurl myself through the wall of messaging
Plunging into the
Wild wonderful world
Of freedom and excitement and possibility
Of creative identity named
ME.

Susan Austin-Crumpton
Executive Director & Founder
The Estuary, Inc.

Go Unafraid, by Susan Austin-Crumpton

Go Unafraid, by Susan Austin-Crumpton

“You have been chosen.  Go unafraid”
      - Paraphrased from John 15:16

I am experiencing the disruption of the solar eclipse!  Like the moon pulling at the rising and falling tides of the oceans so the solar eclipse pulls and tugs at me with emotional upheaval and challenge.
 

Awareness, by Susan Austin-Crumpton

Awareness, by Susan Austin-Crumpton

Before my mother died she said to me; “I wish you could stop trying to fix yourself!  Why can’t you just be more like me?!”

I have a dining room cupboard filled with dishes and china from relatives who have long since died.  I never fully thought about whose they were because my younger sister remembered it all.
She died six years ago.
 

Shattering Moments, by Susan Austin-Crumpton

Shattering Moments, by Susan Austin-Crumpton

I don’t like summer.

I know, I know!  Most of you do like it!  My husband loves it.  He loves to be hot, to feel the sun, and the extended light of the long days.

I love rain, clouds and dark days.  On those days I feel free and exempt from all duties.  My soul feels free!  Maybe it was because my Baptist Grandmother always gave herself permission not to go to church on the Sundays it rained.  She believed being in the rain made one sick!  So I have permission to make my own choices on dark rainy days.

Energy Healing, by Susan Austin-Crumpton

Energy Healing, by Susan Austin-Crumpton
Our biological rhythms are the symphony of the cosmos,
Music embedded deep within us to which we dance,
Even when we can’t name the tune.          --Deepak Chopra

What is energy healing?
 
When I was a child it always felt like I was being accompanied or “watched”!  Sometimes I would hear my name called or other lovely sounds that no one else seemed to notice.  My conclusion was that I must be crazy and needed to keep this observance secret.